


One kiss away from killing

by A_Nobelmonster



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Abuse, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, canon events, canon minor character death, exy or death zine 2k17, kevin centeric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 02:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12496968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Nobelmonster/pseuds/A_Nobelmonster
Summary: Kevin is fifteen when he admits to himself that he is afraid of Riko and his future with the Ravens.Kevin is thirteen when he realizes that submission is survival.Kevin is eight when he understands he is not the hero of his story.





	One kiss away from killing

He waits for mamma at daycare.

 

Sometimes, like now she’s late. But the daycare is open until 11 tonight so he’s not worried. His mamma is an Exy star.

 

No, she’s more like a goddess in the mythology books she gave him for Christmas. She made the world of Exy and she makes the stars.

 

Kayleigh Day is beyond human in Kevin’s eyes.

 

So it's ok if she takes longer to get him. She’s very busy and she doesn’t need to worry about him while she makes mortal men into demigods.

 

It's just him and Sarah now. They both sit at an empty rectangle table coloring while Miss. Ann makes tater tots and corn dogs and broccoli.

 

Kevin insisted because momma said athletes have to take care of their bodies by eating right and training. Kevin is gonna be like momma.

 

He’s going to be the best in Exy.

 

He draws himself with a gold medal standing next to his momma. Scrunches the paper up because it doesn’t look right and Sarah watches him watching the clock when he can’t draw anymore.

 

Miss. Ann picks up the phone.

 

-

 

***

Kevin does not want to go to uncle Tetsuji’s.

 

Kevin doesn’t wanna make his momma sad either.

 

He doesn’t want to sit in the car for ten hours but he does to be good. Kayleigh is in the stars looking down on him so he doesn’t tell the social worker no when she packs up his things but he picks at his lip until it bleeds.

 

They met once before. Uncle Tetsuji came to visit the hotel Kevin and mamma stayed in. They had coffee and Kevin had cocoa while mamma talked about the future. They had been in America for five months at the time. Kevin had been good then too.

He hadn’t told mamma he wanted to go back to Ireland.

 

Or that Uncle Tetsuji looked at him in a way that knotted up his stomach. He drank his cocoa.

 

Uncle Tetsuji had said he had a nephew around Kevin’s age.

 

Kevin can’t imagine the stern man taking Kevin outside and tossing a ball with him in the cool summer evenings. He can’t imagine him singing songs with Kevin because he’s afraid of storms or taking Kevin to his favorite restaurant when it’s the first day of school because he knows Kevin has a hard time making friends.

 

Uncle Tetsuji doesn’t look like a parent; he looks a coach.

 

But Riko.

 

Riko looks like a promise.

 

And then he opens his mouth once the social worker has left.

 

“He’s your responsibility Riko. See that he does not get in the way and understands the rules.”

 

“Yes, Master.” and Kevin thinks he will see uncle Tesuji’s retreating image most often than not living here. That may not be the worst thing.

 

The dorms though are not suited for a child his mother would say. They are blacks and reds that intimidate. Kevin had liked black before coming here, he liked the soothing black of night and fantastical black of the beaches his mother visited. 

 

The black here feels like a dream he can’t remember upon waking but haunts him through the day.

 

Riko walks ahead without saying anything until they get to a room Kevin won’t ever be able to find again without help. Kevin puts his things where Riko indicates. The room is too much for two small boys let alone one, he doesn’t know how Riko could get to sleep.

 

“The master is training me to be the best in Exy. You're here now and you're my responsibility so you're going to be the best too.”

 

Kevin does want to be the best. The word responsibility though troubles him. He is the same age as Riko but they make him sound like a baby.

 

“You're going to be my brother and I'm going to be your best friend.” Kevin thinks he could really use that, those words make it easier to relax his tense shoulders.

 

Riko’s going to help him achieve his dreams and make mamma proud. It sounds tough but mamma didn’t raise him to be afraid of work so he gives Riko a small smile and says ok.

\-------

***

And at first, there is so much new that he doesn’t have time to consider anything.

 

It feels like he is a prince in this castle. His castle.

 

Tetsuji orders him a personalized racquet.

 

He and Riko go to the court to for training with Tetsuji and the other coaches and the Ravens.

 

He and Riko stand before a man named Gerald who teaches them about the press before turning them to flashing cameras that gleam off his newly whitened teeth like it was fate.

 

He and Riko eat together, meals prepared by the housekeeper who used to be Riko’s nanny.

 

He and Riko draw on their faces the numbers ‘1’ and ‘2’ every morning like a prayer to the gods of Exy, to Mamma and Kevin is included in someone's life, interwoven in someone's future so he smiles thinking of it as a gift.

 

He and Riko are together so much that he can’t feel lonely or miss Kaleigh but he wants to sometimes.

 

Kevin tries not to cry because he doesn’t think it would do him any good but sometimes when he’s lying in bed thinking about his day he thinks, “I’m gonna tell momma about this.” and remembers he can’t.

 

There is no momma to talk to now that will talk back to him.

 

There is only Tetsuji who does not give praise or kindness. There is only Riko who looks like he is always starving for something no one will give him.

 

Riko pretends not to hear him he thinks, but one night he gets mad at Kevin.

 

“Stop crying like a baby.” He throws a pillow at Kevin. “You have no reason to cry.” Riko being mad at him makes him want to cry more.

 

“I’m sorry.” Riko includes him in everything. He’s always by his side so Kevin thinks Riko’s upset because Kevin’s being ungrateful. He doesn’t know how to say he appreciates what Riko has done for him so far but his momma hasn’t been dead even a month and he still feels like he’s not a whole person.

 

He needs a band-aid or a doctor to fix up his heart. It’s hard doing it on his own.

Riko tries to stick his finger in the cracked dam, plugging up the hole with his small finger but he doesn’t notice Kevin’s still bleeding.

 

“Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” Now Riko sounds mean. He sounds like the master and it makes Kevin mad. He would go if he could but he doesn’t have anywhere to go. The book he throws hits Riko’s cheek.

 

“Why are you so mean?! I wish momma had never sent me here!”

 

“Neither of us had a choice,” Riko says instead of yelling, his voice is very low and quiet ending the conversation there.

 

Riko is like a book the Master is writing and he stops and starts in the older man's presence. He barely has enough words outside of the court to be a real thing.

 

Kevin stares at the thin window near the ceiling covered with black curtains feeling like a tornado's stuck in his throat.

-

***

He had thought maybe it was like Hercules and his trials. Difficult but at the end, he would emerge a hero.

 

Kevin thought he knew what the difficult parts of living in the Nest were.

 

“What happened to your face.” Tetsuji is like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. He leans over pinching Riko’s chin between his thumb and forefinger to survey the damage of Kevin’s fit.

 

The master only notices, Kevin thinks, because for once he did not put that bruise on Riko’s face himself. Kevin knows Tetsuji is a scary monster in people clothes but he hopes like all monsters he’s read about Tetsuji has a weakness or a hero meant to fight him.

 

“Kevin threw a book at me. He was upset.” Apparently, Riko is still as well telling on Kevin like that. He doesn’t know what punishment here is like for misbehaving but he’s more than a little afraid.

 

Tetsuji’s cane makes no sound striking Kevin's thigh or his back or his shoulder but Kevin does make sound.

 

He apologizes because he realizes he is not Hercules. No.

 

Kevin is somewhere between perpetually rolling a boulder up an unforgiving hill and having his liver eaten.

 

Not a hero or a god. Just a child out of his depth.

 

“You are property. A dog that bites his master is of no use and you, your only use to me is your ability to play. If you cannot understand your place there will be worse lessons to learn. Do you understand me.”

 

“Yes, master.”

 

It’s what Riko says and Riko knows this game so he repeats safe words.

 

Riko cradles Kevin's head when the master leaves them in the locker room. Kevin can’t move, doesn’t want to think about moving.

 

“You're my brother, my friend. You're mine. If you listen to me I will protect you from him but you have to be good Kevin. Please. We are destined for the stars and I want you by my side.”

 

The titles he is given come with a steep price. Kevin doesn’t think he can pay them. Promises were already made though, to momma and himself.

 

Riko gets a paper towel damp to wipe the tears and blood from the youthful curves of Kevin's face. He opens their lockers nudging the taller boy to get dressed.

 

Kevin can’t think past the pain but he knows that he loves Exy and that just has to be enough.

 

There is no time to think of anything else.

 

This castle might be a cage but at least he has Riko.

 

\----

***

Puberty is a faint glimmer behind him and he is a star. 

 

Riko and Kevin travel to photo shoots in places like Tokyo, New York, and Chicago.

 

Riko and Kevin appear on talk shows with grins to highlight the marks on their cheeks.

 

Riko and Kevin train hard and study hard and play hard.

 

Everything is hard but it’s worth the work.

 

He’s thirteen and he is second best in all of the youth training camps the Nest hosts.

 

The news calls him one of the best youth players in the nation, Riko is the best but Kevin doesn’t mind because as Tetsuji says they are miles above anyone else their age.

 

Once he lets himself settle into the Kevin shaped hole the Ravens have made for him he excelled.

 

Every time he is not given food it's just a chance to earn back his worth.

 

When he is forced to run laps until he’s heaving it’s because he cannot be stronger unless he breaks the weakness in his body to heal back stronger.

 

Tetsuji believes in the training and Riko believes in Tetsuji and they are his gods and executioners now, not momma.

 

Tetsuji makes the stars now.

 

Kevin is acclimated to the bruising from strict discipline. He says thank you for every strike, every reprimand.

 

They gave him a purpose to live for. They are helping him be good so he can keep his promises.

 

-

 

***

At fifteen with Testuji’s blessing, Riko has himself and Kevin inked for Kevin’s fifteenth birthday.

 

Kevin had forgotten it was his birthday. Sometimes he forgets things about himself or who he was before Kayleigh Day’s car crash.

 

Riko remembers for him.

 

Riko does a lot for him. Kevin’s started having panic attacks this year, Riko is always there or sends Jean to be with him during these times.

 

Riko punishes Kevin but only when he needs it and only to make him better.

 

Riko’s giving him a gift tattooing him like this.

 

“We will always be brothers now.” He kisses Kevin that night leaning over the small divide between their beds pushed together since they were ten years old.

 

“You are the only one I need Kevin. The only one I trust by my side.” Riko’s lips are cold but Kevin does feel blessed in the same way as when he is allowed to treat Riko’s wounds from the Master.

With his eyes set on Riko in the horizon, he doesn't feel like a follower, he feels chosen.

 

He knows the tattoo on his face is a collar but he kisses back like he is thankful because he has no choice but to be.

 

Kevin doesn’t trust himself to know much or anything anymore.

 

-

***

When you take away Exy from Kevin, what he has can be counted on one hand.

 

A love of history from his mother, a love of classical music from his anxiety, alove of boys and girls from his numerous crushes on the older Ravens and a fearful love of Riko from a need to not only survive but shine.

 

He knows he can love Exy but it will never love him back. Not the way he needs it.

 

A nosy but quiet investigation into the youngest Ravens mental health says that Kevin has an anxiety disorder with dependency issues. The psychiatrist says Riko has borderline personality disorder. In his professional opinion, they both should be medicated and encouraged to foster hobbies outside of Exy. While Tetsuji does respectfully close the door on the man's face he does not prohibit Kevin or Riko from exploring other interests. He has beat into them that Exy comes first so he does not worry about infidelity.

 

But Riko does at a constant rate.

 

Kevin thinks this is why Riko has them both sleep with Lydia. He says it is because she will do what he says and they are old enough but Kevin wonders if it's because of the way he’s been looking at Riko and Jean instead.

 

Like he wants to kiss Riko again, to hush all the mean words his mouth is capable of.

 

Like he wants to lean into Jean to take comfort as well as security from someone needing equally as bad.

 

It’s the only explanation he can think of when Riko has Jean assaulted.

 

That Kevin was selfish and wanted too much so Riko has to remind him that Kevin only wants what Riko wants.

 

It feels like a warning, using Jean's body like that. Riko says nothing but he looks at Kevin like, see what you’ve done? He’s crying for someone to save him because of you? His pain is on you.

 

And Kevin does feel like the guilty party with all his lingering glances, gentle touches, and stolen kisses.

 

He had forgotten himself. His place as both toy and pet.

 

He had started to want freely. Riko has helped him again to find his place because now Jean will never want for Kevin. No, now Jean will be afraid of love and starving himself of it. Kevin cannot imagine he is temptation enough for another try, not with what he costs.

 

They are brothers so he knows Jean is better saving for someone else.

 

There is no room to be grateful or anything but far from his body at the moment. Jean’s screams pierce the veil drawing him back time and time again but Kevin is good at being detached. Imagining that he was not the one to tape Jean’s hands together or open the door for the seniors bent on destroying his dear friend.

 

He can barely feel his fingers so he doesn’t feel to blame yet but he will. He knows Riko will leave Jean for him to clean up afterward.

 

And Jean with his not all the way dead yet eyes will try to be ok. Like there won’t be a next time he is in the wrong place at the right time for Riko.

 

The shadow in Riko has been building like a Tsunami. Waves cresting in chaos with height. For years Riko has grown harder. [K1] He has taken more discipline into his hands like he would rather cause pain than fall to it at his uncle’s cane.

 

Riko has been transforming into a Raven while Kevin, still a bird but not a Raven has to learn to toughen his skin.

 

He sees the breaking in Riko, the unhinging shuttering mess as the years go by. This proves that he’s been right to be afraid of Riko.

 

Riko the boy king who no one will stop or stand against.

 

Riko who loves Kevin with the ferocity of a favorite toy but just as easily may break him in the future when threatened.

 

“It will be easier to be a star if you’re heterosexual Kevin.” Riko is not wrong, he never is. He stands over Jean who flinches in the bed no longer smothered by bigger bodies. The tallest boy’s body shuddering like the magnitude of what has been done him with open chasms in the earth . Muscle dimpling with goosebumps in the cool room. There is blood in the corner of his mouth and Kevin thinks Jean may have bitten his cheek in the rape. He’s glad it’s a minor wound.

 

“Do not touch what is mine,” he says in warning to Jean, Jean will not look at Riko so Kevin knows that he understands. It doesn’t matter that Kevin had kissed Jean first or that Riko had never said he couldn’t, arbitrarily changing the rules in a fit of childish anger.

 

For the first time, really, Kevin understands exactly what the cost of fame for him will be.

 

Ever hopeful he had thought that once they made court, once they went pro, Kevin would have his brother at his side. Opportunities falling at his feet. If he just endured a little longer. held his tongue a little more.

 

Now he knows there is no guarantee for his future, only as long as he pleases Riko.

 

To do that he cannot love anyone more than Riko, He cannot let anyone besides Riko work harder than him or ever think that he is something beyond Exy.

 

The cost is steep.

 

And he should be worried about Jean. He should soothe his hurt teammate. Bust he cant and he’s selfish in the fear he hold onto facing the looming prospect of living and dying by the Nest. Preserved perhaps even after death in this gilded cage, he was bought to be displayed in threatens the function of his lungs. His knees go weak.

 

“Kevin. Kevin.” Jean is holding out his hand in front of Kevin's eyes, tone begging Kevin to help him. Like a child who has been abandoned. Like he has been. Kevin vomits on the floor with Jean’s shaking fingers resting on his head.

 

He can never leave because of Riko but he will never leave because of Jean.

 

-

***

Once he is the best, that’s his downfall.

 

You fly too close to the sun you burn. Kevin is a blistered thing.

 

He had been caught between two swords.

 

Do his best to beat Riko and Do well enough but not better than Riko.

 

With Tetsuji’s watchful gaze there was no more holding himself back.

 

The truth once again harming him the most in those hours after the ERC told Tetsuji they felt Riko was holding Kevin back.

 

 

“You’ve taken everything from me! You say you love me but you try to take my position, my purpose-“ Rapid breathing shakes Kevins “You,” is emphasized with the heel of Riko’s shoes digging into his hand, “Are not better than me. A pet is not nor ever will be better than their vision master.” Kevin isn’t sure he’s heard a snap but the pain intensifies. It's hard to be coherent with the concussion he’s sure he has.

 

“But now that they have put that idea in your head, in Uncle’s I must put you down. Look what you’ve made me done brother.” He does look at his mangled hand while Riko brings his racquet down on it with a tone of finality.

 

The finality of Exy career ending.

 

The last thirteen years of his life expiring with the climactic grace of a nuclear bomb.

 

He had been right to think he would live and die by Riko’s hand.

 

“Don’t cry Kevin, You're going to become our assistant coach. You’re family, I will always make a place for you at my side.” Riko looks calmer than he has for years and Kevin realizes it's finally because his crown is secure. “I will send Jean for you.”

 

Jean does come. He looks how Kevin assumes he would feel if his brain and emotions would come back online but all he can think of is surviving at the moment.

 

His tired body is telling him to fly away from this nest of snakes.

 

“You should go,” Jean says choking on the words in French as he bandages Kevin’s hand that is still bleeding onto the court. “You should leave and never come back.”

 

“He’ll kill you.” Jean has been broken enough.

 

“No, but he will kill you if he continues to see you as a threat. He will tear you to pieces because I know you, Kevin, and you are a star. It is in your nature to shine. He has already spent most of his life trying to snuff you out. Riko will never kill me though, he would be out of toys that have no consequences to harming them.”

 

“I can’t.” The face Jean puts on is brave as he helps Kevin out of the gym, through the common area to the outside parking lot. Despite the consequences that will no doubt be severe he doesn’t hesitate in giving Kevin the keys to his car.

 

“I will say you took them. The last I saw of you I left you outside your door, you must have taken my keys while I was helping you. "

 

Riko has made convincing liars of them, he had learned from the best.

 

“Don’t-Don’t let any of the others know.” That it was Riko who had maimed him, ”“If they ask tell them I do not want to speak with them.”

 

Of the two , Jean’s survival instinct had always been better than Kevin’s. “Go to your father, no one will deny you his room number. Keep your hood up.”

 

Years before when they had stolen the note from Tetsuji’s office, Kevin would never have thought one day the information would become his solace.

 

That he would have a parent to once more turn to in his time of need.

 

The French backliner knows that only a Martyr such a David Wymack could save him now. Despite everything being ruined, that is enough to keep him moving.

 

“Promise me you will call if things get worse, Jean. You cannot let him take any more from you, please."

 

The older man agrees though they both know he won’t call Kevin. Kevin can’t even promise he won’t come crawling back to Riko as soon as he calls Kevin to come.

 

Kevin Day knows abuse. He knows that he has been abused. That Riko and Tetsuji are abusive. He knows most of all that abuse victims hardly ever can break the cycle by themselves. Leaning on Jean for stability is foolish, he will back inside the month with the lack of resolve they both have. [K3] 

 

But there is the hope that David Wymack is enough.

 

There is the hope that Kevin will die someday far in the future with his pride intact knowing he went to seek better for himself.

 

-

***

For so long he had been fighting. Standing outside of the Foxes coach’s door feels like the first good thing he’s done since his mother died. He doesn’t know what he will do or the future. The world now is pain and consequence.

 

Everything else starts with a knock.

 

“Hello?” Wymack opens the door, he has had enough injured foxes he knows before he see’s the blood something is wrong.

 

“I need your help.” He needs Wymack’s protection. He needs his dad to tell him things will be alright.

 

“Kevin D-” he knows who Kevin is.

 

He wants to say, I'm your son. But settles for another truth “Riko. He broke my hand.” For once the truth does set him free.


End file.
